I’m not a mom, one of the regrets of my life is that I will never be. I am much worse and feel much worse, especially with all this Pandemic and lockdown. The only chance you have to find happiness and peace is:1.stay out of drugs and alcohol. 2.Get a therapist if you can, it’s life saving. 3 absolutely try to get close to God, the Creator of the Universe, Your true Father. Try to find a church, speak to a good priest. Stick to spirituality, your life will change at 360°. Spirituality is the only thing that brings true, long-term happiness. Also, pray as often as you can, with established “official” prayers. Talk to God in your despair, tell Him all about it and He will help you, like He helps me, everytime. I’m the living proof that He exists and always helps when You address him every day. I’m here if you need me!hugs!